Remembering a BFF

Last Friday, one of my best friends, Melissa Cheliras (Melissa was her grown-up name but she was Missy to me!) passed away after a four-month battle with stomach and esophageal cancer. I was really, really praying that I wouldn't have to write this post and that God would perform the biggest miracle since Jesus' resurrection and would heal her so she could live out the rest of her life here on earth. But God had different plans and while He did ultimately heal her, she is no longer with us here. She won't get to continue her work of ministering to students on various college campuses. She won't be the physical smiling presence of joy in our lives. She won't get to be one of my bridesmaids in April. And there's that big part of me that is just really sad about those things. But I do know and believe that she has been dancing at the feet of Jesus for the last week and I'm sure she wouldn't even consider a return trip here. And I know that I will one day get to see her again. I'm sure she'll already know just about everyone in heaven when I get there and she'll be on my welcoming committee. Those promises of God bring great comfort to me.

I have known Missy since 1996- my junior year of college, which was her freshman year. I don't remember specifically the first time we met but I know we hung out a lot that year. Looking at pictures from my college days (which there aren't nearly enough!), I realize that she was there for the important moments. My 21st birthday where she apparently took part in making my cake. My college graduation. But I also remember her in the every day moments too. Just hanging out and laughing. Playing board games. Chatting about life.We definitely became closer friends after college when she and I and our two friends, Elizabeth and Becky decided about ten years ago to start vacationing together and doing girls' weekends. Over the past decade, we've had so many adventures and laughs that I could write an entire book. We went on a cruise. We went on a ATV tour of Cozumel where none of us could drive a stick-shift. We elected Missy to drive because she could sort of drive it. I think I nearly peed in my pants because we were all laughing so hard!! We went to see the Miss America pageant where we hung out with three gay men in boas. We vacationed in the woods of Georgia where I was convinced we were going to find the Unabomber. We hung out on a farm at a B&B where we were spit at by llamas. We were in weddings together. We played a lot of Nerts together. (I don't want to brag but I usually won!) More than that, we all laughed together and held each other accountable. I seriously have not laughed more with any other group of people than I have with those three girls. The kind of laughter where your sides hurt stuff.Missy modeled Christ to me by the way she lived her life. She treated everyone with compassion and kindness. I know she wasn't perfect and I'm sure slipped up at times, but I really have no memory of her ever really trashing or saying something bad about someone. She lived life to the fullest, even when I admit that it sometimes got on my nerves. She would always stop to read the fine print on some sign or literally stop to smell the roses. Or say hello to someone she may or may not know. Or because she knew practically everyone, she would run into someone she knew clear across the world. She lived life "all in".

In the past few years when she moved back to Blacksburg, I was able to see her a little more often than when she lived in Boston. She made several trips to Northern Virginia for various reasons and almost always stayed at my house. I went to London on a missions trip with her and two VT students back in 2008. I think that was the one time I was mad at her. And it was mostly my fault. We hadn't really gotten a good night's sleep in several days. And I was sharing a room with her and she tended to snore a little bit. Ok, sometimes more than a little bit. I hadn't slept well one night and she got up completely refreshed and ready to go tell the world about Jesus. I was completely sleep deprived and an emotional wreck and lashed out at her for being so stinkin' happy and cheerful. But that's who she was. All in.Over the summer, she moved to Richmond to work on the campus of University of Richmond. Since Brian's grandpa is in Richmond, I was there several times and while he was farming, I met up with Missy. And she came to visit me just to relax and recharge before starting her new gig. I was so excited that she lived so close to me (relatively speaking!) She was always just returning from hanging out with a group of friends or leading a Bible study or helping a student but she took time to spend with me and in hindsight, I'm sooo thankful for those times together.

She came to visit me in August and I happened to have the day off. So almost at the last minute, (well as last minute as a security clearance can be!), I got her cleared into the White House so we could see a Marine One departure. I remember saying to her that we should do this because you never know, I might not be working at the White House forever. I had no idea that the reason the Lord urged me to arrange this was because Missy wouldn't be on this earth for very much longer. On her Facebook page, she said it was a dream come true! Of course while she was at the WH with me, she made friends with everyone I worked with and even told one of my co-workers he could have the rest of the day off (which he listened to us and somehow just left work without telling anyone!!)I saw her a couple of times a few weeks just before her diagnosis. I don't think she had any symptoms at that point but if she did, she didn't let on about them. In fact, she was the faithful, caring friend who listened to me go on and on about something stupid that really didn't matter, I'm sure. She seemed to always put others at the top of her priority list.

Friday before last, I was able to go visit her in the hospital. By the time I got there, she was in a medically-induced coma. Her parents kept telling me how much she was looking forward to my visit. And while we did have some precious time together, I so much wished that we could have had that one last two-way conversation. I'm sure if she had been able to talk, she would have in some way been the one encouraging me. Those moments together will be cherished and never be forgotten and I feel honored that I was allowed to be there.

She passed away this past Friday a couple of hours before Becky, Elizabeth, and I got to the hospital. We felt fortunate that the Lord had already arranged us to be there together for a girls' weekend and while it was nothing like any other girls' weekend, we were so glad to be together. This time, when we walked into her hospital room, it was clear that she was no longer with us. And while tears came, we were so happy that she wasn't suffering any more. She was with Jesus. We honored her memory over the next couple of days in several ways. We sat together and remembered all the fun times we had with her. We looked at tons of pictures of her smiling and loving on people. We visited one of her favorite places in Virginia Beach, the camellia garden in the Norfolk Botanical Gardens. We stopped short of walking on the beach in a random blizzard. We knew Missy would have probably wanted to do that, in flip-flops no less!

Her funeral was standing-room only in her wonderful parents' church. It was amazing to see how many lives one person had touched in a few short years. Her mom wanted the funeral "to rock" with worship and praise and it definitely did. There were so many stories of how Missy lived her life and made a difference. It was crazy to see so many people from different facets of my life that knew Missy/Melissa too. As soon as the funeral was over, worlds collided when I was surrounded by friends from college, my former campus minister I haven't seen in many years, a friend from the DC area who was Missy's fellow campus minister, one of my best friends in DC who Missy introduced to me 7 years ago, a girl I used to babysit when I was at teenager, and even my youth minister from when I was in the 7th grade. All separately touched by this one life. Her faith and her smile and joy were contagious and I believe her legacy will be making an impact on lives for years to come.

There's no doubt that I will miss her. I already do. I've found myself still looking at pictures of her and her radiating smile. I don't pretend to understand all of God's ways (especially on this one) but I trust Him fully and know He is in control. I do completely trust Him. I know through her life, He gets the glory. The selfish me wants her here with us, standing up beside me on my wedding day in that navy blue bridesmaids dress. But I know once she got to heaven, she started praising Jesus and probably hasn't stopped. Because that's how she is. She is "all in".P.S. I know that she wanted to be at our wedding too. Her family told me at the funeral that our save-the-date card is on the mirror of her bathroom. No doubt, she probably prayed for us every time she was in there. Even in her sickest moments, she was praying for others. See what I mean? She was just that kind of person. Talk about humbling.